Jerusalem in a day

 We have one day with Ami to see all Jerusalem has to offer.

Ami's favouritye phrase, which he repeats ad nauseam is: "Frunk, give me your card" as he scoffs all sorts of gourmet foods.

Our first stop is the dome of the rock, much disputed by your Jew, your Christian and your Muslim-currently the area is being run by your Muslim. Upon arrival we nearly cause an international incident when the bare shoulder police spot my beloved and are sent into paroxysms of fury and indignation and this gross effrontery to their religion-after quickly covering up the offending shoulders we are allowed to move on and they can go back to watching porn.

Don't fuck with me unless you want an Uzi up your clacker




Note holy spirit descending onto the righteous

We then visit the adjacent market place and do the stations of the cross, which is a right laugh. Ami likes to stop and tell us little snippets like"just 2 days ago a policeman was stabbed right where you are standing and 3 locals were shot".

Obese chrisians in ecstasy




Gift if you want to give somebody the horn


We then move onto the wailing wall nwhere all sort of shenanigans are going on; my beloved manages to seperate herself from the group but we track her down as she is prosletizing to the locals.









Black hats are very fashioable here

Our next stop is the Mahane Yehuda market which allows us bodily sustenance following all the spiritual sustenance we've had today





Today's flatulence inducing lunch




Kannafi-very good


Next stop is the Israel museum
Knesset

Giant nipple????

Old time Jerusalem

We are then driven through the ultra orthodox area which is genuinely scary-there are signs arond calling for a ban on mobile phones which I suppose would interfere with the huge amounts of begating that goes on here



We then say our farewells to our superb guide,Ami,and I can still remember his last words to me:"Frunk, give me your card"












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